I'll Stand By You
by Little Miss Nicap
Summary: Just when Alex Cabot thought everything was fine, her life comes crashing down around her. Can Olivia Benson help pick up the pieces? A/O. Hurt/Comfort/Romance
1. Chapter 1

AN: First up, just a note to allay any fears from the get go that I am NOT, nor will I abandon "Negotiating" for this story. "Negotiating Her Life" is my main story and trust me when I say the chapter I'm working on right now (#28) is THE chapter readers have been waiting for. I posted the most recent chapter (#27) just a couple of days ago, so check that out if you haven't already ;-).

This story, I'll Stand By You, is vaguely based on 2 different people from my life and things that happened to them. I'm combining their stories to make this story. It's set in current time, season 15, but the Delia Wilson scandal never happened. So: no Elliott (he didn't shoot Jenna Fox, he just retired from SVU on his terms) and no Brian. Alex and Casey are still the assigned ADA's as they were in season 13 (and that's how they look in appearance). Lewis Williams certainly never happened in this story timeline, Olivia just decided it was time to cut her hair. It will start off as T rated, but it _may_ eventually become M later on (haven't decided yet, but eventual Cabenson? Of course!) I think that's all that needs to be known. I don't know how often I'll update this story, because as I said "Negotiating Her Life" is my main priority for writing. Just sometimes while working on that story I get the inspiration to write something else, and I know this won't be too difficult for me to write. As always: feedback is loved, and constructive criticism is preferred :-). Hope readers enjoy :-)

* * *

Numb.

That was the best description ADA Alex Cabot could come up with as to what she was feeling right now. Her day had gone from great, to hover around terrible, then to come crashing down in an overwhelming landslide as the worst day in her life in the space of 6 hours. How could this have happened? Things like this only ever happens on television shows or movies, never in real life. But today proved to Alex that it did happen in real life.

Right now, she was running on auto pilot while she listened to Detective Olivia Benson's explanation for requiring a search warrant on a suspected rapist inside her office at 1 Hogan.

Olivia had held a torch for Alex since the blonde ADA was assigned after the Morris Commission, but had never acted upon it. Truth be told, she still held a torch deep within her heart to this very day. She had been close to finally revealing her feelings, but Abigail Carmichael had beaten her to the punch 2 years ago, when both Olivia introduced them at Elliott Stabler's retirement party, where SVU members past and present gathered to farewell the ex-Marine from the NYPD. Abbie was a Federal Prosecutor in Washington DC for several years, but had been transferred back to New York on her request, with short trips back to DC every month, around the same time Elliott retired. Alex and Abbie began dating shortly after and Olivia Benson, the honourable woman that she is, was happy for her friends to have found each other, even though it broke her heart. It was her own fault, perhaps if she hadn't kept putting it off, and instead put her heart on the line, things would have been different. But that was all past tense, ancient history now.

"So do we have enough for a warrant, Alex?"

"Yes, I believe so. I'll get you the warrant within an hour, Detective Benson." Alex lowered her head and resumed her paperwork, effectively dismissing Olivia.

In the last 6 months Alex had been more withdrawn from any interactions with Olivia than was truly necessary. No drinks after work, no dinner out with friends, maybe another time for this, a raincheck for that. Everything was strictly work related now. Olivia had started casually dating Serena Southerlyn a little over 6 months ago after being introduced by their mutual friend, Casey Novak, at a dinner the red haired ADA had organised just after Serena had returned to New York after living and working in Nation's Capital with the ACLU. Casey had become acquainted with Serena while she was censured for violating the Brady Rules. If Olivia had to pinpoint Alex's change, it was right after that very dinner. The SVU detective had gone over and over it in her mind, but couldn't put her finger on anything specifically. Everyone had gotten on quite well at the dinner, talking, laughing, light hearted banter, but after that night, Alex changed. She may have lost her opportunity to be with Alex romantically, but she didn't want to lose her friend either, and right now, that's exactly what it was starting to feel like for Olivia Benson.

"Is there something else you need, Detective?" Alex inquired, her head still buried in paperwork.

"I was wondering if you'd like to grab drink with me later on at the Shamrock, but I know for certain you're answer will be no. Just like it _always_ is now," Olivia lamented, her hand slipping in to her jeans pocket.

"That's not true." The blonde's head still down.

"Cut the crap, Alex! It's like you don't want me in your life any more. If I've done something to hurt our friendship, I'd like to know what it was. I think I at least deserve _that_ courtesy."

"Nothing, Liv. It's _not_ you." Alex continued to study her summation notes, striking a line through a sentence of text and rewriting the few words on the paper.

"Then why have you been avoiding me like the plague outside of work? We both know you have, don't deny it."

Alex placed her pen down. Slowly, she raised her head, her blue eyes hiding behind the black framed glasses eventually finding the brown ones looking at her with a hint of sadness. Alex was on the verge of tears as she stood up, but she was valiantly fighting a losing battle. "I know, and I'm sorry. I hope I haven't lost you as a friend, because I'm _really_ going to need some now."

One one words sprang to mind for Olivia to describe Alex's demeanour.

Broken.

Olivia pulled Alex into a caring hug, "Alex, what's wrong? What's happened?"

Allowing herself to be guided by Olivia from her desk to the leather lounge in Alex's office, they sat down next to each other. "Today is officially _the_ worst day of my life. I think it even supersedes being shot and entering WPP."

Olivia waited patiently for Alex to continue when the ADA fell silent.

"Liv, for the last 6 months, Abbie's been constantly accusing me of having an affair... with you."

"That's absurd! You and I both know that!"

"I know. I've been doing everything I possibly can to quell any fears she has of me cheating and it still didn't matter. She kept throwing my cheating on Robert with Jim in my face, I did it once and said she was sure I'd do it again. I'm truly sorry if I've ruined our friendship by doing what I did to you, so now you know that's why I've been avoiding you like I have. But that changes from now on."

"You've not ruined our friendship, believe me. But I'm not sure I understand. What do you mean by it didn't matter any more, Alex?"

"Abbie broke up with me this morning... because _she's_ the one that's been having an affair behind my back."

"She accused _you_, and _she's_ the one having the affair?!"

"Yeah. Diverting her own guilt on me, I guess. And it's not just a recent thing either. She's been having an affair for the last year she's been with me! She used the excuse that me not wanting children had something to do with it. I'd told her when we got together it wasn't a priority at the _moment_, because I'd just come back from the Congo and started back at SVU, but maybe _later on_ we'd look into fertility treatment or adoption."

"Do you know who Abbie cheated with?"

"No. She said I didn't need to know... not my concern!" Alex shook her head sadly, "I can't believe how blind I've been to it, but I guess love does that to people. At least now I know why we haven't had much sex in the last 6 months, but her constant accusations didn't help. I loved her _so_ much, Olivia... I was actually going to propose to her to show her how much. I picked a ring and started paying it off." Alex gave a halfhearted laugh, "I was going to make another payment on it today! Glad the lawyer in me took out the insurance..._ just in case_."

A fresh wave of tears took hold of Alex as she continued her explanation, "Then when I thought my day couldn't get _any_ worse than it was... it did."

Olivia looked at the blonde questioningly as she passed Alex a couple of tissues from the box on the coffee table. Alex took a deep steadying breath, she was still processing it herself. "I have breast cancer."


	2. Chapter 2

AN: **everyone** - re: _"Who's Abbie's affair with? Casey or Serena?"_... Hmm, who indeed! ;-) But if you've read "Negotiating", then you'll know... well... you know, expect some twists, turns, and the unexpected ;-). **everyone** - re: _"a double blow for Alex"_... Yeah :-(. Some years ago, a friend was diagnosed with a different type of cancer just a few days after her boyfriend had broken up with her to hook up with her 'best friend'. Seems they'd been having an affair behind her back for quite some time :-(. It was a shock to everyone for both the affair and cancer, trust me.

AN2: Wow, I didn't think I'd get such a response. You gals constantly amaze me :-). This story will most likely have smaller chapters than "Negotiating", I'm not sure I could do 2 x 6000+ word chapters at the same time. Heck, writing a single chapter around that length in the space of a week is draining enough. I don't know what the guidelines in the USA are, but 40 is the recommended age to start having mammograms where I'm from, so I'm using that guideline for this story :-)

* * *

Olivia wanted to rage at the world.

Firstly for the cold callousness that Abbie had treated Alex with. To cheat once would be classed by some as bad enough, some people might eventually forgive and put it down as an accident, a mistake, or a poor lack of judgement for a moment's pleasure. But to admit that you'd been cheating on someone that you say you love for a year, unforgivable in Olivia's books. Alex didn't deserve to be treated that way, and certainly not by the person that says they supposedly love you. Olivia felt she knew exactly how Alex should be treated, and given the opportunity, she would treat her the love, kindness and respect Alex deserved.

And secondly for the cruelty that was cancer. An indiscriminate disease that didn't care what gender you were; what colour your skin was; what age you were; or what your sexuality was, everyone was fair game for its malice. For a woman, the forms 2 of cancer that could be considered to be cruelest were breast cancer, and uterine cancer. For a man, prostate and testicular cancer would fall into the same category.

After everything Alex Cabot had been through with her double stint in Witness Protection, Olivia knew the blonde ADA didn't deserve anything like this. Not this double whammy.

"Oh my god, Alex. How... I mean when... I-"

Alex explained as she dabbed her eyes with the tissue, "I had a mammogram last week and I got a call back to say there was an abnormality discovered in my left breast compared to the previous time. They were fairly sure it was just a cyst but they wanted to do some followup testing just to be certain. So I had another mammogram 2 days ago, along with an ultrasound, a biopsy and a fine needle aspiration."

"That's why you were away from the office all day Monday?"

"Yeah. I found out just over an hour ago that it's not a cyst but a lump, and not to be alarmed, but there are cancerous cells in the lump. They're classing it as Stage 1."

"You didn't... feel... anything to indicate something was wrong?"

"I've done self exams before, and ah... Abbie definitely 'checked'... on more than one occasion," Alex emphasised with air quotes and gave another halfhearted laugh, "Not recently though, and you can understand why she hasn't. Besides, neither of us would have felt anything because they're saying it's a deep tissue lump, not a surface lump."

"Sooo... what happens now?"

Alex went to stand up, "I get you your warrant."

Liv rolled her eyes at Alex's blasé brush off, stopping her from standing. "That's _not_ what I meant, and you know it."

"I have to see the surgeon the day after tomorrow," Alex sat back down on the lounge.

"Friday?! Whoa! They're not messing about, are they?"

Alex shook her head, no. "I figure with the lump being small, the best case scenario is a lumpectomy. But I won't know more until I see the surgeon. I don't want to worry myself until I know the facts."

"Does Abbie know about-"

"No! And she's not going to either."

"She deserves-"

"Nothing! She deserves _nothing_, Olivia. You're the _only _one that knows right now, and it's going to _stay_ that way. Abbie finds out about this and she'll try and come crawling back because _she_ feels bad. I don't want _pity_ from her, and I don't want _her_! She made her decision _quite_ clear this morning... well, a year ago if you think about it... and I'm _not_ going to take her back because she feels guilty. I have to worry about _me_ now, and definitely not worry about _her_ and her little _fling_ on the side. I don't want to be wheeled into surgery and have my last thoughts be wondering if she's going to have a sneaky booty call while I'm having bits cut out of me."

Olivia's phone indicated an incoming text message.

Serena Southerlyn. _'Sorry Liv, Can't catch up until weekend now. Busy with work. Rena xo'_

Liv saw the message on the screen and immediately slipped the phone back in her pocket.

"You're not going to reply to it?"

"No, it's just Amaro. He'll be wanting to know if I've secured the warrant or not," Olivia lied smoothly. She didn't want to lie to Alex, but she didn't want to lose focus either. Alex was more important than replying to Serena's text. "He's not important right now, _you_ are."

"Liv, you kept me being in Wit Sec a secret for all the time I was in the program, and I thank you for that. I hope you can do the same again with this and not say anything. I don't want anyone knowing about the... cancer... until I know what's going to happen. Even then, I'm not sure I want many people knowing until I'm ready."

"You have my word. You're secret is safe with me."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything you want, Alex."

"Would you consider being my medical proxy and emergency contact? I want to get that amended as soon as possible before I see the surgeon. If you don't want to because you're with Serena now, I'll understand-"

"I don't have any problem being either of those for you. I've known you _a lot_ longer than Serena. And Serena and I aren't serious, we're just casual." Olivia said, mentally adding, 'quite casual, thankfully'.

Alex replied with hint of sadness, "At least one of us still has a woman in their love life."

A pang of guilt hit Olivia, "Like I said, Serena and I are just casually dating. Honestly, I don't think she's_ the one_ for me. Don't get me wrong, she's nice and all, but her and I just don't have that... certain connection. No, let me rephrase: I know she's not _the one_ for me. _That_ woman is still out there... somewhere. Maybe I'll find her one day?" She knew she probably shouldn't seeing Alex's relationship with Abbie had only ended that morning, but being it had been 2 long years since she had, Olivia took a chance to flirt with the ADA, "Keep a look out for someone will you?... Just between you and me, I _do_ have a penchant for blondes."

Alex smiled, but then the smile slowly faded away, "I really thought I had that connection and I'd found the _one_, but I guess she's still out there waiting for me too. I'll keep an eye out for you, Olivia. But I know I won't be looking for a while, and _raven_ haired women are definitely off the table for good. So... Serena's your Ms Right Now, not Ms Right?"

"I think that's the best description," Olivia was quite thankful she was a brunette.

"Liv, can I ask you something else?"

"Sure."

"Will you come with me to the surgeon on Friday afternoon? I think I'll need a good friend for support seeing it won't be Abbie..." Alex trailed off, a few more tears leaking from her eyes.

"Absolutely." Olivia stood up, helped Alex to her feet and then gave the blonde a comforting hug. "Hopefully, finding the lump early will be a big advantage for you."

"Let's hope so... Hey, when was the last time _you_ had a mammogram?"

That wasn't a question Olivia had been expecting, "I... ahh... well... it's been..."

"Been a while?" prompted Alex.

Olivia's eyes wandered the office, "Umm... that's to say..."

"You've _never_ had one, have you?"

The detective's silence was enough the tell Alex the answer.

"Liv!" Alex admonished, "You're older than me! Go and have one as soon as possible! Please tell me you've at _least_ had a pap smear test in recent years?"

"It's been... a little while."

"Damnit Olivia! These sort of tests are important! I don't even want to _think_ what the diagnosis would be if I hadn't that mammogram now!"

Olivia knew Alex was right. If Alex had let the mammogram go another 2 years, who knows what stage her breast cancer would be by that time? Stage 2? Stage 3? Stage 4? "I'll go and have them done, just for you."

"That's very sweet of you to say Detective, but don't do it for _me_. Do it for _yourself_!"

"Ok, I promise will. Both as soon as possible."

"Good!" Alex walked back to her desk and gathered her attaché bag, "Once again, I'm _really_ sorry for treating you the way I have been these last 6 months."

"Apology accepted."

"I better go get that warrant for you and Nick. Donnelly would probably be the best judge to see. Can you come over to my place tonight so you can sign the medical proxy and emergency contact paperwork? That is unless you're catching up with Serena?"

"No, not tonight. She's busy with work until the weekend," Olivia remembered the text she had received as she walked over to Alex's office door. When Alex and Olivia exited the ADA's office, they were met by Casey Novak.

"Casey, how did the arraignment go?" Olivia asked.

"Benjamin Archer was remanded to Rikers, thank god!" Casey sipped on her bottle of water. "Hi Alex."

"Hey Casey," Alex murmured as she locked her office.

"Alex, are you alright? You look a bit... upset."

"I've been better." Alex gave Olivia a look to remind her that the breast cancer was off limits. "But it's hardly surprising... considering... everything."

Casey gave a puzzled look, "I don't understand."

Olivia explained as Alex composed herself, "Casey, you might as well know before you hear it anywhere else on the grapevine... Abbie broke with Alex because Abbie's been having an affair."

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry Al! Why would Abbie do _that_?! You and her were great together!"

Alex gave a small shrug, "I wish I knew."

"Do you know with who?"

"No. She wouldn't tell me. And it's not a recent thing either. Been happening for some time now."

"Geez, just when you thought you knew someone, they go and pull that shit."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too. Look, sorry to run off, but I have to go get a warrant for Olivia and Nick."

"Sure, you go. If you need to talk, I'm here for you," Casey offered generously as Alex walked towards the elevator, Olivia in step right beside her.

When the blonde and the brunette were out of ear shot, Casey muttered under her breath, "In your dreams, Cabot!"

Novak dialled a familiar number as she closed the door to her own office, "Rena, _why_ didn't you tell me Abs finally broke up with her?!... Me? I found out from _Ice Princess_ and _Oblivious_ just now!... Yeah, well it would've been _nice_ to be given a heads up and not be left out of the loop... Ok, ok you're _both_ forgiven. So, the three of us are catching up tonight?... Meet at the Rainbow Shamrock... Celebratory champagne, of course... can't wait!"

A sly grin settled on Casey's lips as she ended the call.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: **The Dark Knight's Princess **- re: _"So...both...or...one and the other just knows...or...some sort of polygamy thing"_... Umm, one of those ;-). **HKS** - re: _"you need to explain"_... I promise very soon :-) _"Alex's cancer: PLEASE DON'T LET HER DIE!"_... Trust me. Always trust me :-). **IBME** - re: _"it's a mean girls story"_... *whispers* I've never seen that movie so I can't confirm if it is like that or not :-( Please don't judge me! **Bkwrmchar** - re: _"Casey's never been my favorite"_... I don't hate her but I don't love her either. I think I've said I don't mind her, or I tolerate her. As for Abbie and Serena, I never watched mothership L&O, so I can't say if I like them or not. But I'm making them all dislikable in this story (Sorry!). _"Really liking this story as well as Negotiation"_... Thankyou :-D. **lovingfanfic2death** - re: _"love your stories can't wait too see the many chapters too come"_... And thankyou too! :-) I have no idea how long this story will be. I don't think anywhere near as long as 'Negotiating', but then again, I thought 'Negotiating' would only be something like 30 chapters when I first started. LOL! Working on ch29 now, and I think we're maybe about 1/2 way? **shelovesyou2** - re: _"i want Alex to be ok and get with Liv"_... ;-) _"In this story comfort and support of a friend possibly turning into a romance could be a great read."_... I'll try my best. My fingers are crossed. :-)

AN2: Yeah, I know I'm spoiling you with another chapter so soon. It's definitely back to working on my other story now ;-)

* * *

Opening her apartment door Alex was greeted by Olivia, "What's with the third degree down in the lobby? I had to show ID before they'd let me up, and it was old Gregory on the door. He's seen me many times over the years!"

"Sorry about that. I updated my list of approved people this afternoon, so they're being vigilant. Took Abbie off the list, AND I had the locks changed too. She wants out, she's out for good. _Her_ crap's in the corner there," Alex indicated the 4 large open cardboard boxes in the corner with books, magazines, ornaments, cosmetics and clothes thrown haphazardly in to them. "Better get the formality out of the way. The papers are on the table for you to sign. Thankyou for doing this Olivia, it means a lot to me."

"No problem." Picking up the fountain pen, Liv signed and initialled all the appropriate places indicated on the paperwork, "You'll be happy to know I've booked in for a mammogram and a pap smear test next week."

"Glad to hear it! Better to be precautionary then... well, you know."

"Yeah. By the way, I'm not catching tonight. So, do you want to go to the Shamrock and try and forget everything that happened today?"

Alex headed to the kitchen calling back over her shoulder, "Nope! I just want to stay home tonight but maybe get just a _little_ bit drunk."

"Do you want me to leave you in peace?"

"Actually I'd love for you to stay seeing you'd understand why I might be sad. Maybe you can help cheer me up a bit? I really just don't want to go out tonight."

"Alright, I'll stay. You want some take out then?"

The ADA grabbed a pair of large wine glasses from the cupboard, "I actually took the liberty of ordering Indian, if that's alright?"

"Presumptuous much?"

"I figured if you said no, it just would've been leftovers for me tomorrow night." Alex said with a shrug.

"You order coconut rice?" Olivia approached.

"And vegetable korma, mango chicken, lamb masala and mint naan." Alex took a bottle from the wine rack, "Maybe you can assist cheering me up by helping me drink this _very_ expensive bottle of wine I was going to open after I proposed to... _her_. Might as well celebrate... I don't know... freedom?"

Olivia took the bottle from Alex's grasp, put it back in the rack and chose a different bottle she was more familiar with, "I'll help you drink a bottle of wine, but how about you keep _that _particular bottle and drink it when you've beaten the cancer? Have something really nice to celebrate with."

'"I like the way you think, Detective."

* * *

Revenge.

It can be sweet, or it can be a dish best served cold.

Right now, well into a second bottle of wine, Alex and Olivia were discussing various things they'd like to Abbie Carmichael as they proceeded to eat dinner at the coffee table while they sat on the floor. Each suggestion getting a little more outrageous than the next. They had been at odds whether to add peroxide to her shampoo or hair removal cream, but had eventually moved on. Currently, they were deciding what to do with the clothes in the corner. Donate them to charity? Cut them into little pieces? Inconspicuously split all her suits along the seams? Burn them and give her back the ashes?

"Put some smelly fish or shrimp in the bottom of each box," Liv sipped her wine. It was juvenile, but each suggestion was getting a laugh from both women. "Better still, sprinkle the boxes with mothballs and store them for a few months before giving them back to her! Make her smell like an old Grandma!"

"Oooooh!" A sly look appeared on Alex's face, then she got up and disappeared down the hallway. Olivia figured Alex was going to the bathroom and continued to eat dinner.

"You know what _I_ want to do with _these_?" Alex approached from the bedroom, a harness and flesh coloured dildo in one hand, a flesh coloured strapless strap-on double ended dildo in the other. A dozen thoughts and sexual fantasies that involved those items and the very woman holding them immediately bombarded Olivia's mind, but the SVU detective managed to choke out a small, "No?"

"I want to put itching powder on these and hope Abbie has a fun time with her little piece of _ass_ on the side when she uses them!" Alex retorted, her words slightly slurred from the wine.

Olivia giggled, "Not bad... but I think we can think of something... nastier!" She took a few moments before voicing a suggestion, "Hot sauce!... Dipping them in hot sauce would be _so_ much better."

Alex sat back down a little closer to Olivia while placing the toys on the floor, "Make them _both_ burn like she burned me. Better make it apt for _her_... Texan hot sauce! _She_ can be known as the 'The Slutty Little Whore from Texas'!"

Liv slapped her hand on the coffee table a couple of times as a new thought came to her, "Oh! Oh! I know! Superglue in the lube bottle! Try and explain that _sticky_ situation at the emergency department!"

"You're evil, Liv! Truly _evil_!" Alex cackled at the very thought as she took another swig of wine. Indicating the toys, she continued, "You know... just between you and me... I _really_ disliked these ones! They look much too... _male_... for my liking. But _she_ loved them." Alex held the harness aloft trying not to laugh, "You know what _she_ called _herself_ when she wore this?"

"Texas Longhorny?" Olivia chuckled, knowing Abbie had been on the track team while she attended the University of Texas.

Almost spilling her glass of wine as she placed it back on the coffee table, Alex said with a snort, "That's hilarious! But no, wait for it..." she leant closer to Olivia's ear while still trying to stifle a laugh, "King Dong!"

Both women roared with laughter, the wine clearly taking affect.

"So, were you called 'Ann Darrow' in bed?" the brunette waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

A wave of melancholy washed over the blonde as she looked down at the harness in her hand, "No... she called me her _Princess_, and _not_ in a bad way. It was really sweet, like she is... was. She _was_." Alex tossed the harnessed dildo then the strapless one over towards the open boxes, missing by a few feet in either direction. Her determined resolve returned, "Oh well! At least now I can go and get new ones that look less... phallic."

"I know the ones you mean... no veins or ridges. Hey, have you seen the ones that look like 2 curved fingers instead of a penis?"

"Noooooo!" Alex drawled, clearly awestruck. "But I _love_ the sound of them!"

After a few taps of the screen, Olivia brought up the website on her phone and showed the blonde. "They look even better than they sound!"

Alex nodded in approval, "I am _so_ getting one of those!"

Olivia leant in a little closer, placing her hand on Alex's thigh and patted it, "You know what the best revenge would be, Alex? Move on from Abbie. Find someone else that always treats you with respect and loves you unconditionally. She _doesn't_ deserve you!"

"You're right! You're absolutely right!" Alex nodded her head in agreement, giving Olivia small coquettish smile.

Olivia reciprocated with her own that she had given over the years but not in recent time. The little spark of electricity that had been between them all those years ago was suddenly making itself known to both women, reviving hidden feelings.

"She kept accusing me of having an affair with _you_... sooo... _maybe_ I should have one with you?" Alex closed the gap, claiming Olivia's mouth. It took several long moments to pass before she realised what she was doing. Alex reeled back in horror, unaware of the fact that in their current inebriated state Olivia had returned the kiss with as much passion, "Oh my god! I'm so sorry Liv, I shouldn't have done that. You're with Serena... and I'm drunk... very drunk... and you're drunk... and we're drunk... and..." Alex's words trailed off, suddenly being replaced with heartbreaking sobs, "And _why_ did she do this to me, Liv? Why did she... I _loved_ her _so_ much!"

"I know you did, sweetheart... I know you did." Liv pulled the blonde closer for a reassuring embrace, rubbing soothing circles on her back, desperately wanting to take Alex Cabot's heartache away.

* * *

"Hello Ms Cabot, I'm Doctor Marie Campbell. Please come in and sit down," the African American woman ushered both SVU members inside her office located at Mount Sinai Hospital after Alex had picked up Olivia from the 16th Precinct on Friday afternoon.

"Please call me Alex. This is Olivia Benson, my friend."

They all exchanged handshakes and pleasantries.

"Olivia's your support person?"

"Yes. She's also my medical proxy and emergency contact," Alex relayed with a smile.

"Good, good! I'm glad you've got a loving partner to help you on this journey."

"Ah, no. I'm not her partner," Liv corrected, her mind screaming 'unfortunately'. "Alex and I are just very good friends."

"Oh I'm so sorry! I just assumed you were a couple. You look like you are, and when you said Olivia was your proxy and contact... nevermind. How embarrassing!" Doctor Campbell took a seat at her desk, "Moving on, I've gone over your file and we've caught your breast cancer early enough. Stage 1 has a survival rate of of 95-98%." She brought up the digital x-ray images on the large computer screen for both Alex and Olivia to see and indicated a small white shadow, "Your lump measures 12 millimeters, so that's not too big, and is situated at the 2 o'clock position of your left breast. Over 2 centimeters in size, that would be Stage 2. Alex, can you take your blouse and bra off behind the screen over there?"

As Doctor Campbell sanitized her hands, Alex disrobed on the other side of the folding medical screen. She stoically maintained direct eye contact with Olivia trying to ignore Doctor Campbell as she palpated the breast tissue, "I can't even feel the lump, so it _is_ deep... ...Can you lift your left arm up?... ...I can't feel that your lymph nodes are swollen either, but we won't know for certain if it's in the nodes until we take a look inside and remove a couple for testing. Alright, you can get dressed again."

"So what are we look at? A lumpectomy?" Alex asked as she buttoned the last button on her blouse and returned to her chair next to Olivia.

"We could do that procedure, but with each procedure, it has its pros and cons. Lumpectomy, we can preserve most of the breast... but if we miss any cancerous tissue that may be surrounding the lump, we're right back to where we started from, particularly being the lump is a deep tissue lump. A mastectomy on the other hand, we'll get it all first time, but I'm sure you realise what that procedure involves."

"That's quite radical surgery seeing the lump's so small! 12 millimeters! Not even a quarter of an inch!"

"Yes, it is small. But relative to the size of your breast, the lump would be considered somewhat large. If the lump was close to the surface, it would be a different story again, but being deep tissue lump we have to proceed differently. Each woman's surgery is different to the next. After your surgery, your oncologist then look at if you need to have chemo-"

"Chemo?!" Even though she was still sitting down, to Alex, it felt like her feet had just gone from under her.

"Yes, chemotherapy is a possibility. Radiation or hormone therapy are the others. It depends if the cancer has been detected in your lymph nodes."

"Am I going to be able to have children after all this?"

"I can't definitively say yes or no. It all depends on the outcome of the surgery, then whatever treatment the oncologist recommends."

A knock on the door disrupted their conversation. The receptionist popped her head around the door, "Sorry to interrupt Doctor Campbell, but Doctor Platt needs to speak to you momentarily regarding his male breast cancer patient."

"Will you ladies excuse me. I'll be back in a moment."

As Doctor Campbell closed the door, Alex spoke quietly, "Abbie was right to leave me. She wanted children, and I kept putting off wanting to have them and now it looks like I might not be able to. Looks like she got out at the right time."

Olivia reached over and gave Alex's hand a gentle reassuring squeeze, "Let's not be too hasty right now, surgery first. Now, forget Abbie Carmichael! She _cheated_ on you, remember! Besides, you and I both know adoption is an option as well."

Before Alex could respond, Doctor Campbell reentered her office, "Sorry about that. Now, where were we?" She sat back down and checked Alex's medical file, "Oh yes, I'd like for you to have surgery as soon as possible. The faster we get on to this, the faster you'll be on the road to recovery."

"How soon, Doctor?" Olivia prompted.

Doctor Campbell brought up her surgery schedule on computer screen, "How does... a week from Monday sound? You can be the first surgery of the day."

Alex's jaw dropped, "Monday week?! You're not wasting time for this lumpectomy, are you?"

"I'm sorry Alex, there's no other way to put it. My recommendation is for you to have a mastectomy..."

"Mastectomy?!" Alex hand tightened in Olivia's grasp as her other hand shot up and covered her mouth.

"... You _will_ lose your left breast."

* * *

End Note: Yes those dildos Olivia mentions are very real ;-)


	4. Chapter 4

AN: **Everyone** - re:_ "a mastectomy?!"_... Welcome to the reality for a majority of women with breast cancer :-(. As the surgeon told Alex, each woman's surgery/journey is different to the next, and I chose the mastectomy path for this particular story. **jbcjazz** - re: _"I Love Indian food"_... Ditto! Indian, Chinese and Italian are my faves (in no particular order). The dishes I used are some of my faves, especially with coconut rice. _" I hope they get together soon. Would love to see the reaction of the the three b* tchkateers seeing them together and Alex having cancer. See if they have hearts at all or truly just witches"_... Patience, patience and patience ;-). **The Dark Knight's Princess** - re:_ "Oh my gosh I cried during this chapter, no lie. But then again, I cry over anything"_... I know exactly what you mean about crying over anything ;-) I laughed and cried writing that last chapter, cried writing this chapter, and I've bawled my eyes out writing several parts/chapters of 'Negotiating' because there are some elements that are somewhat vaguely personal in that story. **peterpeter** - re: _"i think they should put itching powder and hot sauce on the dildos"_...ROFL! Sadist ;-). **Bkwrmchar** - _"I'm glad Alex and Liv were able to laugh. Laughter really helps."_... Best medicine EVER. **giggi91** - re: _"Lol at the end note. Way to drasticly change the mood :)"_... Completely unintentional ;-) **LBM** - re: _"Oh my GOD! I can't believe this story! It's so good! Though I do have to say that Negotiating it better! :) Sorry, my opinion!"_... Thankyou! :-). To be honest, 'Negotiating' is my "first born" and "pride and joy". To me, it's the story I'm most proud of :-) (I'd never have thought 150,000+ words would be possible for me, and we're maybe half way?) It was the story I'd been wanting to write for quite a while, but could never figure out how. 'Her Negotiation' was the catalyst that helped get me to write it. This story (aka: ISBY), I wanted to be completely different to 'Negotiating', hence the inclusion of Abbie, Serena and Casey.

* * *

"I want a second opinion!" Alex finally found her voice after she got over the initial shock of being informed she was to have a mastectomy.

"And you're entitled to ask for, and seek a second opinion. But I will tell you now, every single good surgeon in Manhattan, in New York City in fact, will give you the same opinion as I have: a modified radical mastectomy. _Any_ surgeon that suggests you have a lumpectomy and 'hope for the best' is _not_ a surgeon worth going to." Doctor Marie Campbell gave Alex an empathetic smile from the other side of the desk, "I _do _understand the feelings you're going through right now with the thought of losing your breast."

"Says the woman with both _her_ breasts! I bet you say that to _all_ your patients," the blonde muttered loud enough for both Liv and the doctor to hear.

"Alex!" Olivia chastised.

"_She's_ not the one getting her breast cut off Olivia, _I am_! I think_ you'd_ be asking the same question and reacting the same way if _you_ were getting one of your 'girls' chopped off!"

Doctor Campbell was unperturbed by Alex's retorts, "Actually Alex... even _after_ your surgery, you will still have more breasts than I have."

"I find that _very_ hard to believe," Alex scoffed, eyeing the cleavage of Doctor Campbell hidden beneath her blouse and coat.

"These," Doctor Campbell indicated each of her own breasts, "are breast forms."

Alex arched an eyebrow, "Pardon me?! Breast _what_?"

"Breast forms. These are _both_ prosthetic breasts that I'm wearing," Doctor Campbell took one of the largish cube boxes from the shelf behind her desk and placed it in front of her. "I had a double mastectomy, also known as bilateral surgery, just on 3 years ago. My oldest sister, my mother, her sisters, her mother, her grandmother... they _all_ died from breast cancer. Seems my mother's side of the family was and is predisposed to get breast cancer. We have what we now know is the BRCA gene, so I had preventative surgery, as did my younger sister. I lost both my breasts, and I also lost my husband for choosing the surgery. He couldn't handle the thought of his wife not having voluptuous breasts any more... didn't think I would be a _woman_ any more."

"You're kidding?" Olivia said, her jaw dropping in disbelief.

"I wish I was. But in having the surgery, I gained life and I now have a loving fiancé. I don't want to speak out of place and offend either of you ladies, but he doesn't care that I don't have my breasts any more, he loves me unconditionally and has done so for a long time. But I chose to get these prosthetic breasts to give me back my self confidence, and feel normal again. I won't lie Alex, having one of your breast removed will make you feel somewhat lopsided. Getting a prosthetic will help you regain a form of normality. It can also help prevent lymphoedema, lessen chances of neck and shoulder problems and help maintain your natural posture."

Marie opened the box, removed the sample silicone breast form from its cradle and passed it to Olivia when Alex didn't move. "They're not as perfect as the real thing, of course, but they are improving the shapes and textures remarkably these days. They warm up with skin contact and after a few times wearing them, you_ do_ forget that you're wearing them and that they're fake. The only time you remember is when you take it off at night and put it on in the morning. Mine obviously fooled you well enough, Alex. Breast forms come in all different shapes, cup sizes and skin tones now. _This_ particular model is a 2 layer breast form, ideal for younger, older or smaller breasted women. You will need to get new pocketed mastectomy bras as they help the prosthesis sit comfortably. But don't panic, they make quite tasteful and less utilitarian mastectomy bras these days. They understand women want to look and feel good and just because you lose your breast, doesn't mean you can't still be sexy. About 6 months back I had a 70 year old patient, bilateral surgery, she chose breast forms a few sizes smaller to what she had been and said she looking forward to getting a leopard print and a lacy red bra for the first time! Her words: 'No more beige. New boobs, new bras!'."

Even though this particular breast form was silicone and lacked an areola, Olivia noted it felt as heavy and pliable as the real thing and had a small slightly raised circle moulded into it where the nipple would be. The reverse side had numerous little clear silicone adhesive contact spheres to allow the skin to still breathe when it made contact to the chest wall.

Noting Alex had gone completely silent, Liv asked the questions to hopefully get Alex to at least listen. "Why new bras? What's wrong with the ones Alex has now?"

"The thinner shoulder straps can contribute to lymphoedema, too much pressure in one small area. The straps need to be that little more wider to distribute the weight evenly to help prevent it, particularly for the first few months after surgery. Also the mastectomy bras have pockets in the bra cups so you can put the prosthetic inside there if you don't want it resting directly against your chest wall."

"What's lymphoedema? I've heard of it before, but don't know what it actually_ is_, other than it's obviously something to do with the lymph glands." Olivia prompted.

"You're correct with your assumption of it being connected to the lymph glands, lymphoedema is caused by a compromised lymphatic system and basically is a localised fluid retention and tissue swelling. Seeing I have to remove a couple of lymph nodes for testing, this is a _possibility_ for Alex. You may have seen women with a single swollen arm out and about in the city, this is a possibility of occurring some time after a mastectomy, but usually after several lymph nodes have been removed. There is lymphatic massage that can help decrease the possibility of developing lymphoedema or compression bandages and garments. But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. Surgery first, a soft filled breast form in the weeks after depending on how fast you heal, then a silicone one."

Olivia realised this was Alex's reality as she passed the breast prosthesis to the ADA.

"So this is my _only_ option? A mastectomy?" Alex looked down at the breast form in her hand, wiping away an escaping tear with the other.

"As a surgeon, for me to recommend you having a mastectomy is _not_ a decision I make lightly or flippantly. But it _is_ the decision I've had to make for you as my patient."

"Can't I have... I don't know... breast reconstruction?" the blonde bartered, the pleading tone quite audible.

"For that to be a possibility, there has to be enough breast tissue to do so. Because you're small breasted in addition to the size of the lump, I'm sorry to say it's not an option in your case."

"Wonderful... just wonderful. I've been _small_ breasted all my life, and now I get to be _one_ breasted."

"You _do_ have an advantage though. As I said earlier, there are pros and cons for each type of surgery. I had a _very_ long recovery after surgery because I was much larger breasted than the prosthetics I wear now. Again, I don't want to speak out of turn, but Olivia would also have a longer recovery time if she were ever to have similar surgery too. Alex, your recovery time the surgery will be _much_ shorter."

"Lucky me," murmured Alex under her breath as she handed the prosthetic breast back to Doctor Campbell.

* * *

The unmistakable noise of Alex's high heels against concrete was the only sound that broke the deafening silence between the 2 women, as they walked back to Alex's car in the hospital car park after the surgeon's appointment.

"Alex? Are you alright?" Liv asked, stopping a few feet from the vehicle.

"I'm _fine_. Everything's _fine_." Arms folded across her chest, Alex tried to brush past the brunette but was stopped when Liv reached her hand out and gently grasped her bicep.

"Don't bullshit to me, Alex. I've known you _too_ long to know something's not right. Talk to me, tell me what you're thinking... what's going on in that mind of yours? You've barely spoken a word since you handed back the prosthetic breast form to Doctor Campbell... and that was almost 20 minutes ago."

Alex fought back the tears suddenly threatening to spill down her cheeks, "I just want to go home now, forget everything the surgeon said, and get on with my _life_... what's _left_ of it anyway."

"What's _left_ of it?! Stage 1 is 95-98% survival, remember? That's _best_ case scenario in my books. I don't even want to _think_ what the survival rates are for the other stages... if you hadn't had that mammogram now, what stage would it be in 2 years time?"

The gravity of the situation was all too much for Alex to take and the tears finally overwhelmed her. Alex's body wracking sobs broke Olivia's heart and in an instant she wrapped her arms around the blonde's lithe frame and held her close for emotional support. A few tears pricked the detective's eyes as she continued to comfort the distraught younger woman, rubbing soothing lines up and down the ADA's back and gently stroking her blonde tresses. Liv didn't care that they were standing in the middle of a carpark, Alex needed her right now more than ever.

A long time passed before Alex mumbled something incoherent as her face was buried in the curve of Olivia's neck.

"Alex sweetie, I missed that."

Hiccuping a sob, Alex moved her head so that her chin was resting on Olivia's shoulder, "Who's going to want me?"

The brunette pulled back slightly, "What do you mean?"

"Liv, be honest with me... who's going to want me now? _Who's_ going to want a one breasted woman in her forties that prefers the company of women, especially in the bedroom? I can't even keep the woman I had when I have _both _of my breasts? How the _fuck_ am I going find someone to be with after all this is over when I have just one... and a _fake_ one."

"Me... I would." Olivia's inner monologue correcting her reply with, 'I _do_! _I_ want you! I've wanted you for years, Alex.'

"You're just saying that because your my friend. You _have_ to say things like that, you feel sorry for me and what's happened to me these last few days."

"Remember what Doctor Campbell said, she lost both her breasts and her husband. She found someone who loves her unconditionally after what happened, they'd loved her for some time. Now she's engaged to marry him."

"Seems I've _never_ been fortunate to have found someone like that. Robert didn't _really_ want me, he wanted the combination of old money, political power and a trophy wife that came back from the dead. Jim didn't even want me, he just wanted to sleep with his boss... which he successfully did. Abbie wanted kids, I waited too long and she went elsewhere. Noone's ever wanted me for me, now noone ever will because I won't _be_ me. I won't even be a whole woman, I'll be what... three quarters, or maybe two thirds of a woman?"

"You think that's what makes you a woman, or makes you Alex Cabot? Your breasts? Now your sounding as shallow like the doctor's ex-husband. Your courage, your fortitude, your caring, your tenacity, your vivaciousness and your feistiness... _that's_ what makes you Alex Cabot, not what's on your chest."

"Like I said, it not you getting chopped up. Forget it, you _don't_ understand."

"So _make_ me understand!"

For a long time Alex stayed silent, swiping away stray tears, unable or unwilling to explain.

Liv tried a different approach, "If the roles were reversed right now, would you be letting me think about not having the surgery?"

"Of course not!" Alex's eyes widened.

"Then why are you?"

Alex shrugged, "I guess it's different when it's yourself."

Olivia made sure she had the blonde's undivided attention before she spoke, "You listen to me. I would rather you be one breasted than _dead_, because that's the reality if you _don't_ have the surgery. I _already_ know what it's like to be under the assumption that your dead, that was 2 days too long in my books. I don't want you to die before you have to, I don't want that to happen for another 50 years! But if you don't have the surgery, it'd probably be more like 5 years! Now Alex, what's more important to you? Your life, or your breast?"

"My life." Alex whispered, her eyes downcast.

Olivia pressed a gentle kiss to Alex's cheek, "Right answer."


	5. Chapter 5

AN: **iamtheunknown15/guest** - re: _"Liv almost confessing her feelings"_... I know. But in a way, she did confess ;-). Trust me it'll happen... soonish. **jbcjazz/The Dark Knight's Princess** - re:_ "my emotional writing style"_... Thankyou for the compliments and feedback :-). You honestly have no idea how much it means to me seeing I didn't complete my high school education. I just write from the heart to try and show the emotions I believe the character/s could go through in these types of situations :-) **giggi91** - re:_ "Yay for the update!"_... I'd intended to update this story before the new year, but was working diligently on my other story. I'm trying to alternate between both stories fairly though :-). Back to working on 'Negotiating' after this chapter. _"Why not the option of a breast implant? And why doesn't the doctor have them?"_... I'm certainly not a medical expert and have no real medical knowledge apart from personal experience and 'Dr Google', so what I say next might be completely wrong: From what I understand the surgeon told my own mother with her recent mastectomy, there has to be some breast tissue and skin effectively 'left over and/or spare' from the initial mastectomy surgery for that to occur immediately after removal, otherwise the skin is too 'tight' over the implant. Otherwise it's more major surgery with skin grafts etc later on. My mother (who is small breasted) would've taken the reconstruction/implant if that had been an option, but in her case it wasn't an option. A breast prosthetic was though. But as I said, I'm not an expert and could very well be wrong. In all honestly, I'm not trying to make Alex seem shallow, but I want Alex to journey through all those emotions women go through with this type of surgery, and realise that it's not the end of the world by losing her breast and _someone_ loves her unconditionally ;-). Where as Alex could possibly see herself differently after surgery and not 'whole', Olivia still sees her as the same woman because she _is_ the same woman (especially significant if I decide to write 'M' later on. Yeah, I'm willing to go there). I hope this helps explain why I've chosen this particular path for Alex :-). Oh, and there _is_ a reason why Doctor Marie personally didn't get implants/reconstruction after her bilateral surgery and opted for breast forms. This will be addressed later when Alex goes to have surgery :-).

* * *

Still standing in the middle of the car park, Olivia placed her fingers under Alex's chin and gently raised the ADA's head, "Now, do you want to go back to Doctor Campbell and see if that surgery appointment for next Monday is still available?"

Alex shook her head, "No."

Olivia gave the blonde woman a highly unimpressed look, "Alex!"

"Next Monday, it's _too_ soon. Maybe... maybe I'll see if there's one available in... in a few months time? Yeah. We... ahh... we have a _lot_ of cases coming up, Liv. Quite important cases to prosecute! I_ can't_ take time away with such short notice. That wouldn't be fair on the squad, or on _Casey_!"

"I'm sure Mike Cutter would be able to get another ADA to fill in for you during your recovery and any subsequent treatment that you might have."

"Do you know how difficult it would be to bring another ADA up to date in such a short time on some of our pending cases?" Alex tried to justify.

"No, I don't. But the longer you leave the surgery, the more time that lump gets to grow."

"It's _small_, remember! _Really_ tiny, if you think about it."

"I don't care if it's the size of a grain of rice, a chickpea or a grape! Do you have _any_ idea how aggressive cancer can be? How aggressive _this_ cancerous lump you have in your breast _could_ be?"

"I know how aggressive _you_ are right now!" Alex's sarcasm clearly evident in her tone, masking her true fear.

"I'm going to ignore that remark." Liv ran a hand though her hair, letting out a frustrated sigh, "Damnit Alex, it could grow or maybe even metastasize in the few months you put it off. I can't believe your even considering not having the surgery. Aren't you the same woman that not 2 days ago was _berating_ me for not having a mammogram or a recent pap smear? Saying these things were _important_?"

The blonde avoided eye contact, "Yes."

"So why are you being like this? This surgery is important! This surgery will save your life!"

Alex snapped, "You want to know _why_? I'm _scared_, Olivia! Actually, terrified would be a better descriptive. I'm _terrified_ to have the surgery!"

Liv softened her voice, "I don't blame you, it's major surgery. But I'm _terrified_ of what will happen to _you_ if you _don't_ have the surgery!"

"It's not _just_ the cancer. I'm also terrified... because..." the ADA trailed off.

"Because?" Liv prompted.

Tears began to escape Alex's eyes again, "Because the last time I was a patient in a hospital having surgery, I died!"

"Oh sweetheart, you're _not_ going to die in hospital." Olivia started to wipe the tears sliding down Alex's cheeks with her thumbs while cradling her cheeks.

"I died on the operating table, Olivia! They told me I'd died when I woke up. That's why it was so easy for the doctors to inform you that had died before I found out I'd entered WPP, because I actually _did_ die for a time."

"_Completely_ different circumstances this time. It's not a gun shot wound and you won't bleed out like back then. You just said they told you that you died when you _woke up_." Olivia placed her hand over Alex's heart, "You feel that? Your heart beating and pumping blood? You _lived_! You're _alive_ now! You _won't_ die _having_ the surgery, but you _will_ die if you _don't_ have the surgery."

Alex placed her hand on top of Olivia's for a moment before wiping away a stray tear, "I_ don't_ want to die in hospital again. I don't want to be alone in there."

Liv moved her hand away, "You _won't_ be alone. I'll take the entire day off the day of your surgery, and I'll be there with you right up until you're wheeled into theatre. I won't even leave the hospital... I'll wait for you during the surgery and be there the moment you're out of surgery. I'll be the first face you see when you wake up. I'm your medical proxy, remember. I can be there with you."

"I can't ask you to do all that. You have work."

"You don't have to ask, I've offered and already decided I will. Now, do I have to threaten you with my medical proxy power to overrule your decision and _make_ you have the surgery?"

Shaking her head Alex said reluctantly, "No... I'll have the surgery."

"Good," Liv smiled and took Alex's hand in her own. "Come on."

Alex was puzzled as Olivia began to lead them both away from the car, "Where are we going?"

"Back to see Doctor Campbell."

* * *

Reentering the specialist surgeon suite within Mount Sinai hospital, Alex and Olivia saw Doctor Campbell ushering a visibly upset and frightened younger woman and gentleman towards her office. She indicated for the young couple to take a seat inside and informed them she would be with them in just a few minutes.

As Doctor Campbell approached, Alex opened her mouth to speak but realised she couldn't voice what she needed to. She chanced a quick look at Olivia for support. The detective gave a minute nod of her head to indicate she understood what Alex needed help with.

"I was getting worried I wouldn't see you ladies again," Doctor Marie Campbell gave a kind smile. "Or that Alex might have opted for a lumpectomy with another surgeon."

"We just needed to take some time and talk a few things over. Our concerns and worries... fears." Olivia explained.

"That's good. Communication is very important during this time."

"We would like to know if that surgical appointment for next Monday morning still available for Alex?"

"Yes, it is. Would you like to book in for the surgery?"

"No." Alex instantly replied with a whisper.

Olivia confirmed with a gentle reassuring squeeze to Alex's hand, "Yes, we would."

Alex reconfirmed Olivia's words with a hint of hesitance, "Yes... I would." She took a deep breath to build her courage, "I _will_."

"I'm glad to hear. Karen, my receptionist over there... she'll book you in for next Monday and give you the information pamphlets that will help you prepare for your procedure. It'll help answer any questions you might have before the surgery and what to expect, even though it never really prepares you for the reality. I know it's a difficult surgery to have, physically and emotionally, but you've made the _right_ choice Alex. I'll see you both in 10 days just before the surgery. Now, if you ladies will excuse me, I have a new patient to see."

* * *

"Thankyou Olivia," Alex turned to face the brunette as they exited the elevator returning them back to the hospital car park.

"What for?"

"For making me see sense... helping me make the correct decision," Alex indicated the manila folder containing the paperwork and pamphlets in her hand. "A _very_ scary decision, but the right decision nonetheless. I don't think Abbie would've given me that reality check like you did. She would've just let me make my decision and gone with whatever I chose... and I _think_ my decision would have been very wrong. I mean, I _know_ my decision was wrong."

"That's what friends do... what people who _really_ care about you do."

"Serena's really lucky to have someone like you... even if she's just your Ms Right Now." Alex lamented.

"Yeah, lucky me." Olivia changed the subject, "Hey! You want to grab early dinner or something?"

"I would, but I'd also like to go over these pamphlets with you... if that's alright? So we both understand what's going to happen."

"I think that's a really smart idea. So, take out again?"

"I love the way you think. How about Greek?"

* * *

Upon entering the lobby of Alex's apartment building, Alex and Olivia could hear quite a loud commotion.

"Aww, _c'mon_ Gregory! Let me up there!"

"I'm sorry, I_ can't_ allow it. I must insist you leave."

Abbie.

"You're _honestly_ telling me she took my name off the list?! I've been staying here most of the time for the last 2 years! I have a _key_!"

"Ms Carmichael, I'm just following my instructions. I don't want to have to say this but if you don't remove yourself from these premises promptly, I will call the police and have you arrested for trespassing."

Running a hand through her long raven locks, Abbie turned to leave but immediately spied the SVU ladies approaching side by side.

"Do we have a problem here, Gregory?" Liv called out, easily slipping in to police mode.

"I hope not, Detective Benson. I've asked Ms Carmichael to leave, as per my instructions. But if you need to physically escort her I will get additional security if necessary."

"Hopefully it _won't_ come to that." Liv glared, her hand resting on the small of Alex's back reassuringly as Alex gripped her attaché case tightly with both hands.

Abbie smirked, "Well, well, well. Looks like I _was_ right all along, _Alexandra_. You couldn't keep away from Olivia. So you _have_ been seeing her behind my back."

"3 days ago I would have been denying having an affair with Olivia... _yet again_! But the bullshit you just spewed makes you look even more pathetic, _Abigail_. _You're_ the one that's been having the affair, FOR THE LAST YEAR! _You_ admitted it! Or has your short term memory suddenly been affected by the truth?"

"Maybe too much sex made me forget?" shrugged Abbie. "Well, you know what they say... sometimes you gotta go elsewhere when you don't get what you want."

Alex gave a patented icy glare she reserve for the court room, "WHAT DO YOU WANT, CARMICHAEL?"

"Calm your pretty titties, Cabot! I _just_ want my stuff... and maybe have a little talk _privately_?" Abbie said in her husky Texan drawl.

Olivia saw the look of pain flash across the blonde's features at the quite unintentional, but now very cruel and hurtful jibe.

"You _wait_ here. I'll go and send down the boxes down in the elevator, and then you can _leave_. I have _nothing_ to talk to you about." Alex approached the elevator, Abbie following a few steps behind.

As Gregory pressed the elevator button for the ADA then discreetly move some steps away, Abbie took a step closer invading Alex's personal space as she waited. "Aww, I _can_ help you... _Princess_. We don't have to be... _estranged_, we can still be... _friendly_. Despite what you might think of me, I _do_ still care about you."

For a few moments, Alex's resolve waivered and she became lost in the eyes of the Texan. Those dark brown eyes, that healthy tan, the raven hair tousled just so, those adorable dimples and that chiseled jawline. The spell was broken when Alex saw Olivia approaching in her peripheral vision.

"You have a _funny_ way of showing it. People who truly care about those they love... they _don't_ cheat, they _don't_ lie and they _don't_ falsely accuse the other of infidelity. You wanted out, so you're gone. Let me move on with _my_ life now, you obviously have with _yours_."

"You know, we were _good_ together... you and me. I don't know if _anyone_ would love you as much I do." Abbie reached out and cradled Alex's left cheek, which the blonde unconsciously leant in to. "I love your eyes... and that pouty little mouth of yours is _so_ kissable..." she brushed her thumb across Alex's lips, the timbre of her Texan drawl becoming even lower and huskier, "... I love your beautiful body... your long legs wrapped around my waist while I was wearing... _King Dong_... I loved making you orgasm just by making love to your breasts with my mouth, _especially_ the extra sensitive left one..." The Texan's hand trailed down the column of her neck to brush over Alex's left breast, "... We both did, _Princess_."

Tears pricking her eyes, Alex slapped Abbie's hand away, entered the elevator and pressed the button to close the door before bursting into tears.

* * *

Olivia spun Abbie around to face her, "What the _hell_ did you say to Alex?"

"Not that it's any of _your_ business, but we were just reminiscing about _our_ sex life."

"Mustn't have been a very good memory then if you made Alex cry."

Ignoring the retort, Abbie asked "By the way _Liv_, how's _yours_ with 'Rena? Satisfying?"

"None of _your_ business or concern, _Abs_." Olivia replied, not taking the deliberate attempt to goad her.

"Funny, from what I hear it's kind of... _lacking_. A woman like 'Rena, she'll look elsewhere if she's not... _completely satisfied_."

Again, Olivia wouldn't take the bait Abbie was chumming. "You speaking from your own _personal_ experience with her, Carmichael? That's why _she_ broke up with _you_ in DC? You couldn't satisfy her, and you came scurrying back to New York with your tail between your legs? I know _all_ about _that_."

Abbie just grinned slyly, eyeing Olivia up and down. "Tell me Benson, why didn't we ever get together all those years ago when I was at SVU?"

"Just like yourself, brunettes and ravens do nothing for me. We both prefer blondes."

"Ahh, that's right! _Blondes_... _strawberry blondes_... they're all really good in bed," Abbie said.

Olivia asked the burning question, "So who have you been cheating with?"

"None of your concern! But you're the detective, _Detective_. _You_ figure it out."

Little did either woman know that by next Saturday night at the Rainbow Shamrock, who that was would be discovered.

* * *

Angrily swiping away her tears, Alex grabbed 3 different glass bottles of fountain pen ink: a black, a red and a blue from her office desk, then returned to the 4 boxes. Unscrewing the lids, she liberally poured most of the contents of each bottle over the clothes, rescrewed the bottle lids back on askew, hid the bottles in amongst the ruined clothes then placed some unstained clothes on top before sealing the boxes with tape. She didn't care if it was childish or petty. She contemplated sawing off the head from the harnessed dildo with a serrated kitchen knife but instead grabbed the kitchen pepper shaker and dumped the contents in the box with the ornaments and various sex toys. Taping the box shut, she gave the large box a violent but satisfying shake, hearing some contents break while being coated in finely ground pepper.

She sent a quick text to Olivia to say that the boxes were on their way down to the lobby via the elevator and to come up when Abbie had gone.

Alex would take Olivia's advice and seek true revenge by moving on with her life from Abbie Carmichael, finding someone that would love her unconditionally... even if she would be single breasted.


End file.
